1
00:00:02,270 --> 00:00:04,638
* All aboard,
ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha... *

2
00:00:04,672 --> 00:00:08,309
CHRIS ROCK:
In every city, people have
disasters they need to survive.

3
00:00:08,342 --> 00:00:10,678
In Miami,
they have hurricanes;

4
00:00:10,711 --> 00:00:13,347
in San Francisco,
they have earthquakes;

5
00:00:13,381 --> 00:00:15,583
and in New York,
we had blackouts.

6
00:00:15,616 --> 00:00:17,585
You never knew
when one was going to happen

7
00:00:17,618 --> 00:00:20,588
and you didn't want to be
.on the street when it did.

8
00:00:31,765 --> 00:00:34,235
* Crazy...

9
00:00:34,268 --> 00:00:36,670
WOMAN:
Look out!
* But that's how it goes...

10
00:00:38,506 --> 00:00:40,374
Hey, Chris.

11
00:00:40,408 --> 00:00:41,609
I can't believe this.

12
00:00:41,642 --> 00:00:42,843
There's rioting,

13
00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:44,278
looting.

14
00:00:44,312 --> 00:00:45,779
People are
getting killed.

15
00:00:45,813 --> 00:00:47,381
I know, it's tragic.

16
00:00:47,415 --> 00:00:49,417
Tragic?
It's great.

17
00:00:49,450 --> 00:00:50,818
Stay up.

18
00:00:55,723 --> 00:00:58,292
Oh!

19
00:00:58,326 --> 00:00:59,660
Help, let me in,
there's a blackout.

20
00:00:59,693 --> 00:01:01,295
WOMAN:
Go away, get out of here!

21
00:01:01,329 --> 00:01:03,097
Next to
"We're the Jehovah's Witnesses,

22
00:01:03,131 --> 00:01:04,798
can we have a minute
of your time?",

23
00:01:04,832 --> 00:01:07,168
"Let me in, there's a blackout"
is the only guarantee

24
00:01:07,201 --> 00:01:09,837
somebody will not open a door.

25
00:01:11,272 --> 00:01:12,473
Help!

26
00:01:15,509 --> 00:01:17,211
* I'm goin' off the rails...

27
00:01:17,245 --> 00:01:20,548
Hey.

28
00:01:20,581 --> 00:01:22,183
Don't you move a muscle.

29
00:01:22,216 --> 00:01:24,252
I survived
the blackout outside.

30
00:01:24,285 --> 00:01:26,754
Now I needed to survive
the next worst thing--

31
00:01:26,787 --> 00:01:28,722
a white man inside.

32
00:01:40,934 --> 00:01:43,404
* Ah, make it funky now.

33
00:01:43,437 --> 00:01:53,481
Captioning sponsored by
PARAMOUNT TELEVISION

34
00:01:53,481 --> 00:02:01,589
Captioning sponsored by
PARAMOUNT TELEVISION

35
00:02:01,622 --> 00:02:04,325
There's always one white person
left in a black neighborhood

36
00:02:04,358 --> 00:02:05,726
after all the other ones leave.

37
00:02:05,759 --> 00:02:07,595
Maybe he was going
to tell the others

38
00:02:07,628 --> 00:02:08,929
when it was safe to come back.

39
00:02:08,962 --> 00:02:10,664
All right, put
your hands down.

40
00:02:10,698 --> 00:02:12,566
I'm sorry, I wasn't trying
to break into your house.

41
00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:14,702
The door was open; I was just
trying to get off the street.

42
00:02:14,735 --> 00:02:17,905
Don't you know better than
to be outside in a blackout?

43
00:02:17,938 --> 00:02:19,940
You don't remember what
happened here in 1977?

44
00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:21,942
You've been around here
that long?

45
00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:23,611
Lived here all my life.

46
00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:25,179
60 years.

47
00:02:25,213 --> 00:02:26,614
Wow, you're probably
like the last white guy

48
00:02:26,647 --> 00:02:27,848
in the neighborhood.

49
00:02:27,881 --> 00:02:30,284
Probably am.
Did a lot
of white people

50
00:02:30,318 --> 00:02:32,653
used to live around here?
A lot of white people?

51
00:02:32,686 --> 00:02:34,455
It was all white people.

52
00:02:34,488 --> 00:02:35,689
It was a whiteout.

53
00:02:35,723 --> 00:02:38,526
It was great.
The men were polite.

54
00:02:38,559 --> 00:02:39,727
Allow me, madam.

55
00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:42,596
Oh, thank you, sir.

56
00:02:42,630 --> 00:02:44,932
When's the last time
you seen a guy do that?

57
00:02:44,965 --> 00:02:47,835
When's the last time
you saw somebody do that?

58
00:02:47,868 --> 00:02:49,270
You got milk delivered

59
00:02:49,303 --> 00:02:50,871
to your houses?

60
00:02:50,904 --> 00:02:52,573
MR. LEVINE:
Cereal, too.

61
00:02:52,606 --> 00:02:53,974
Somebody would even come by
and drink the milk

62
00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:55,443
out of the bowl
when you were done.

63
00:02:55,476 --> 00:02:57,778
It couldn't have
been all great.

64
00:02:57,811 --> 00:02:58,979
We had crime...

65
00:02:59,012 --> 00:03:01,449
but the criminals
were nice.

66
00:03:01,482 --> 00:03:03,917
Excuse me, sir, but may I
bother you for your wallet?

67
00:03:03,951 --> 00:03:06,454
Why, of course.

68
00:03:08,289 --> 00:03:09,523
Wow.

69
00:03:09,557 --> 00:03:11,525
So when did it
all change?

70
00:03:11,559 --> 00:03:14,628
When Willie Harris
moved in.

71
00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:24,772
After that, I
didn't go out much.

72
00:03:24,805 --> 00:03:26,340
Just wasn't the same.

73
00:03:26,374 --> 00:03:28,008
They replaced the crackers
with crack.

74
00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:30,644
NEWSCASTER :
This is the worst blackout

75
00:03:30,678 --> 00:03:32,580
since 1977.

76
00:03:32,613 --> 00:03:35,249
When asked to describe it,
one New Yorker said,

77
00:03:35,283 --> 00:03:36,784
"It looked black out,"

78
00:03:36,817 --> 00:03:39,353
while another said, "It was
like the opposite of day."

79
00:03:39,387 --> 00:03:40,788
Well, better get home.

80
00:03:40,821 --> 00:03:42,790
All right, well, first turn
your pockets inside out.

81
00:03:42,823 --> 00:03:43,891
You think I stole something?

82
00:03:43,924 --> 00:03:45,959
No, I'm just a
freaky old man

83
00:03:45,993 --> 00:03:48,429
likes to see the
inside of pockets.

84
00:03:48,462 --> 00:03:49,763
Yeah, I think you
stole something.

85
00:03:49,797 --> 00:03:51,632
You've been watching me
the whole time.

86
00:03:51,665 --> 00:03:52,900
With a gun.

87
00:03:52,933 --> 00:03:55,903
Look, I don't know
how Houdini did it

88
00:03:55,936 --> 00:03:58,539
and I don't know
how you do it.

89
00:04:02,743 --> 00:04:04,812
You know, everybody
around here isn't a criminal.

90
00:04:04,845 --> 00:04:06,714
If you talked to more people,
you'd know that.

91
00:04:06,747 --> 00:04:09,717
All I need to know is that you
didn't take any of my stuff.

92
00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:12,586
Now, beat it, and don't tell
nobody you were down here.

93
00:04:12,620 --> 00:04:14,655
Back at home, everybody
was talking except me.

94
00:04:14,688 --> 00:04:17,057
All the lights went out and then
these guys came in Doc's

95
00:04:17,090 --> 00:04:19,693
and Doc said they could loot,
but they were gonna do it

96
00:04:19,727 --> 00:04:22,396
with a bullet in their behind--
and then they left.

97
00:04:22,430 --> 00:04:24,632
It was so cool.
We were coming
from Nessa's

98
00:04:24,665 --> 00:04:26,634
and this crazy guy
just snatched Mom's purse.

99
00:04:26,667 --> 00:04:29,537
That's $56.43 worth
of purse snatching.

100
00:04:29,570 --> 00:04:31,705
Yes, honey,
I'm fine.

101
00:04:31,739 --> 00:04:34,408
Anyway, now I
got to go down

102
00:04:34,442 --> 00:04:36,844
to the DMV
to get my license replaced.

103
00:04:36,877 --> 00:04:38,346
Where were you, Chris?

104
00:04:38,379 --> 00:04:40,348
With the Grand Wizard
of Bed-Stuy.

105
00:04:40,381 --> 00:04:43,517
I was, um...
hiding under a car.

106
00:04:43,551 --> 00:04:45,419
I got this.

107
00:04:45,453 --> 00:04:47,755
TONYA:
Where were you, Daddy?

108
00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:49,357
I was asleep.

109
00:04:49,390 --> 00:04:51,792
You slept through the worst
blackout in ten years?

110
00:04:51,825 --> 00:04:53,093
What's the difference?

111
00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:54,595
I wouldn't have seen it
if I was awake

112
00:04:54,628 --> 00:04:55,929
and I couldn't see it
in my sleep.

113
00:04:55,963 --> 00:04:57,965
Oh, well, since you
got so much sleep,

114
00:04:57,998 --> 00:04:59,767
you go get dinner.

115
00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:01,902
Sit down, kids.

116
00:05:03,704 --> 00:05:05,739
While I was getting over
the blackout,

117
00:05:05,773 --> 00:05:07,475
Greg was trying to stand out.

118
00:05:07,508 --> 00:05:08,742
Hey, Chris
and Greg.

119
00:05:08,776 --> 00:05:10,344
Hey, Maria.

120
00:05:10,378 --> 00:05:11,579
Did you see that?

121
00:05:11,612 --> 00:05:13,514
See what?

122
00:05:13,547 --> 00:05:15,683
Watch this.

123
00:05:17,585 --> 00:05:20,388
Hi, Chris and Greg.

124
00:05:20,421 --> 00:05:21,655
She said hi.
So what?

125
00:05:21,689 --> 00:05:23,056
No, she said, "Hi,
Chris and Greg."

126
00:05:23,090 --> 00:05:24,358
You were nowhere
near me.

127
00:05:24,392 --> 00:05:25,626
I've got no
identity.

128
00:05:25,659 --> 00:05:26,994
I'm sick of it.

129
00:05:27,027 --> 00:05:28,729
I'm not Greg, I'm
Chris and Greg.

130
00:05:28,762 --> 00:05:29,930
I'm just a sidekick.

131
00:05:29,963 --> 00:05:31,865
You're not a sidekick.

132
00:05:31,899 --> 00:05:33,434
That's what Batman told Robin.

133
00:05:33,467 --> 00:05:34,668
Yeah, you're right.

134
00:05:34,702 --> 00:05:36,404
Sidekicks have their
own identities.

135
00:05:36,437 --> 00:05:38,939
Tonto, Hutch,
Watson, Robin, Kato,

136
00:05:38,972 --> 00:05:41,775
Tattoo, Chong,
Poncho, 99, Tubbs.

137
00:05:41,809 --> 00:05:44,578
I don't want to be Chris-and-
Greg for the rest of my life.

138
00:05:44,612 --> 00:05:46,814
Governor Chris-and-Greg
was arrested today

139
00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:49,650
on prostitution
and racketeering charges.

140
00:05:49,683 --> 00:05:52,686
Governor Chris-and-Greg
was elected two years ago

141
00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:54,154
on a law and order platform,

142
00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:56,624
and now
Governor Chris-and-Greg faces

143
00:05:56,657 --> 00:05:58,392
up to three years in prison.

144
00:05:58,426 --> 00:05:59,927
Why is it Chris
and Greg anyways?

145
00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:01,462
Why isn't it
Greg and Chris?

146
00:06:01,495 --> 00:06:03,564
Because it's not your show.

147
00:06:03,597 --> 00:06:05,098
While being a sidekick
was getting old,

148
00:06:05,132 --> 00:06:06,600
my mother was feeling young.

149
00:06:06,634 --> 00:06:08,402
* 'Cause I love you,
square biz! *

150
00:06:08,436 --> 00:06:09,737
What's going on with you?

151
00:06:09,770 --> 00:06:11,405
Translation:
"Have you been drinking?"

152
00:06:11,439 --> 00:06:13,106
Well, before I got
my new driver's license,

153
00:06:13,140 --> 00:06:15,576
I had to get a copy
of my birth certificate.

154
00:06:15,609 --> 00:06:16,910
Come to find out

155
00:06:16,944 --> 00:06:19,079
I am one year younger
than what I thought I was,

156
00:06:19,112 --> 00:06:20,814
so I'm happy.

157
00:06:20,848 --> 00:06:23,150
So how come you're just
finding out how old you are?

158
00:06:23,183 --> 00:06:25,052
Well, that's what I had
to ask my mother.

159
00:06:25,085 --> 00:06:26,920
Are you sure
she's your mother?

160
00:06:26,954 --> 00:06:31,659
'Cause, technically, you were
born a year after she had you.

161
00:06:31,692 --> 00:06:33,794
Yeah, she's
my mother.

162
00:06:33,827 --> 00:06:36,530
Oh, see, she had to get me
into kindergarten early,

163
00:06:36,564 --> 00:06:39,166
so she lied about my age
and forgot to tell me.

164
00:06:39,199 --> 00:06:40,534
Congratulations.

165
00:06:40,568 --> 00:06:41,835
I'm so happy for you.

166
00:06:41,869 --> 00:06:43,070
Thank you, baby.

167
00:06:43,103 --> 00:06:44,738
I'm so young.

168
00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:49,009
* I'm talkin' square biz
to you, baby... *

169
00:06:49,042 --> 00:06:50,944
Come on, come on,
sing it with me, baby.

170
00:06:50,978 --> 00:06:52,813
* Square biz!

171
00:06:52,846 --> 00:06:55,649
Since Mr. Levine did me a favor
when the lights went out,

172
00:06:55,683 --> 00:06:59,620
I thought I'd do him a favor
after they were back on.

173
00:06:59,653 --> 00:07:00,854
What do you want?

174
00:07:00,888 --> 00:07:02,222
Well, I know
you don't get out much,

175
00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:03,924
so I thought
maybe we could take a walk.

176
00:07:03,957 --> 00:07:05,659
I could introduce you
to some of the people.

177
00:07:05,693 --> 00:07:07,761
What are you, a
Good Samaritan?
In Brooklyn,

178
00:07:07,795 --> 00:07:09,597
being nice
only aroused suspicion.

179
00:07:09,630 --> 00:07:11,865
Come on, you can see how some
of the things have changed.

180
00:07:11,899 --> 00:07:13,867
I don't just go out
whenever; I have my routine.

181
00:07:13,901 --> 00:07:15,569
I get my groceries
in the morning,

182
00:07:15,603 --> 00:07:17,571
I get my walk in before
the hooligans come out,

183
00:07:17,605 --> 00:07:19,206
I'm back before the
judge show comes on.

184
00:07:19,239 --> 00:07:20,273
My nap, lunch.

185
00:07:20,307 --> 00:07:22,676
President Bush had
that same routine.

186
00:07:22,710 --> 00:07:24,812
Look, it'll only be
for a little while.

187
00:07:24,845 --> 00:07:26,013
It'll be fun.

188
00:07:26,046 --> 00:07:27,881
All right... fine,

189
00:07:27,915 --> 00:07:29,950
to get you off my back,
we'll do it tomorrow.

190
00:07:29,983 --> 00:07:31,985
You know,
I don't know your name.

191
00:07:32,019 --> 00:07:34,187
Levine, Stan Levine.

192
00:07:34,221 --> 00:07:35,756
I'm Chris.
All right.

193
00:07:35,789 --> 00:07:37,591
Hey, hey, turn your
pockets inside out.

194
00:07:37,625 --> 00:07:38,926
I didn't even come in.

195
00:07:38,959 --> 00:07:42,062
Inside out, Houdini,
you could have my mail.

196
00:07:48,268 --> 00:07:49,903
While I emptied my pockets,

197
00:07:49,937 --> 00:07:53,206
my mother went
to empty my father's pockets.

198
00:07:53,240 --> 00:07:54,575
You going to work
like that?

199
00:07:54,608 --> 00:07:55,776
I'm not going to work.

200
00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:57,010
I'm going shopping.

201
00:07:57,044 --> 00:07:58,245
Shopping?

202
00:07:58,278 --> 00:07:59,947
Julius, all I got
is old lady clothes.

203
00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:01,815
I got to get me some
new, young stuff.

204
00:08:01,849 --> 00:08:04,918
I got to get
some new, young money.

205
00:08:04,952 --> 00:08:07,020
Out on the street,
we took a slow stroll

206
00:08:07,054 --> 00:08:09,056
while I brought Mr. Levine
up to speed.

207
00:08:09,089 --> 00:08:10,858
Used to be an ice cream
stand there.

208
00:08:10,891 --> 00:08:12,626
Oh, that's where
they sell crack now.

209
00:08:12,660 --> 00:08:14,227
DEALER:
This is the good stuff;
gonna cost you more.

210
00:08:14,261 --> 00:08:15,929
All right.
Got it all here?

211
00:08:15,963 --> 00:08:19,099
That's where Jerry
and Becky Rosenthal
got married.

212
00:08:19,132 --> 00:08:21,635
Yeah, that's where Petey
Pete got Tisha-T pregnant.

213
00:08:21,669 --> 00:08:25,038
That's where Jacob Cohen
got shot 30 years ago.

214
00:08:25,072 --> 00:08:27,841
Oh, that's where that guy is
about to get shot right now.

215
00:08:27,875 --> 00:08:28,809
Eat lead!

216
00:08:28,842 --> 00:08:30,277
Okay.

217
00:08:30,310 --> 00:08:33,681
Hey, everybody.
Hey, what's up, Chris?

218
00:08:33,714 --> 00:08:35,248
Man, who's this?

219
00:08:35,282 --> 00:08:36,884
Oh, this is
Mr. Levine.

220
00:08:36,917 --> 00:08:38,151
Mr. Levine,
this is Kill Moves.

221
00:08:38,185 --> 00:08:39,553
How you doing,
Mr. Levine?
And Monk.

222
00:08:39,587 --> 00:08:40,888
This is great;
you bring me out

223
00:08:40,921 --> 00:08:43,023
of the house to meet
a roomful of shvartzers?

224
00:08:43,056 --> 00:08:47,260
Okay, didn't expect him
to say that.

225
00:08:51,832 --> 00:08:53,200
Mr. Levine learned to talk

226
00:08:53,233 --> 00:08:55,302
before language became
politically correct,

227
00:08:55,335 --> 00:08:57,605
so now he had to deal
with SWA--

228
00:08:57,638 --> 00:08:59,773
shvartzers with attitude.

229
00:08:59,807 --> 00:09:02,643
Hey, man,
watch your mouth.

230
00:09:02,676 --> 00:09:04,011
You can't be
saying that word

231
00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:05,813
unless you want
to get your ass kicked

232
00:09:05,846 --> 00:09:06,980
by a roomful of shvartzers.

233
00:09:07,014 --> 00:09:08,281
Hey, man.

234
00:09:08,315 --> 00:09:09,917
Come on, Doc, why
you saying that, man?

235
00:09:09,950 --> 00:09:11,885
CHRIS:
Hey, what's that
word mean anyway?

236
00:09:11,919 --> 00:09:13,854
It's Yiddish
for "black."

237
00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:15,956
Oh!
Monk, what's wrong with you?

238
00:09:15,989 --> 00:09:17,591
What is wrong with you?
I'm sorry.

239
00:09:17,625 --> 00:09:19,292
Hold on.

240
00:09:19,326 --> 00:09:22,630
Doc Harris?

241
00:09:23,296 --> 00:09:26,299
Hm! Stanley Levine.

242
00:09:26,333 --> 00:09:28,636
Y'all know each other?
Yeah.

243
00:09:28,669 --> 00:09:31,071
This clown stole
my girlfriend.

244
00:09:31,104 --> 00:09:32,906
You used to be a clown?

245
00:09:32,940 --> 00:09:34,141
I didn't steal her.

246
00:09:34,174 --> 00:09:35,743
you lost her.

247
00:09:35,776 --> 00:09:36,844
When you stole her.

248
00:09:36,877 --> 00:09:37,945
Man, Chris,
what you doing

249
00:09:37,978 --> 00:09:39,279
hanging with
this guy anyway?

250
00:09:39,312 --> 00:09:40,814
I got trapped outside
during the blackout

251
00:09:40,848 --> 00:09:42,716
and he let me hide in his
house till it was over.

252
00:09:42,750 --> 00:09:44,251
Did you see my woman in there?

253
00:09:44,284 --> 00:09:45,686
You should check his pockets.

254
00:09:45,719 --> 00:09:47,120
I knew coming here
was a bad idea.

255
00:09:47,154 --> 00:09:49,389
Same words spoken
by every white person

256
00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:52,225
in Bed-Stuy since 1964.

257
00:09:52,259 --> 00:09:54,161
While I dealt
with the crazy old man,

258
00:09:54,194 --> 00:09:56,063
Peaches dealt
with a crazy young woman.

259
00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:58,298
* I got the best, the most,
baby, from coast to coast *

260
00:09:58,331 --> 00:10:01,368
* And I don't wanna boast
'cause I love you, square biz *

261
00:10:01,401 --> 00:10:04,872
* I'm talkin' square biz
to you, baby *

262
00:10:04,905 --> 00:10:07,207
* Square, square biz.

263
00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:08,842
So what you think?

264
00:10:08,876 --> 00:10:10,978
I think a leopard cub
is missing his mommy.

265
00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:14,147
It's a'ight.

266
00:10:14,181 --> 00:10:15,382
A'ight?

267
00:10:15,415 --> 00:10:16,850
I thought you knew
what was going on.

268
00:10:16,884 --> 00:10:17,951
This is what's
happening now.

269
00:10:17,985 --> 00:10:19,987
If you're a leopard.

270
00:10:20,020 --> 00:10:21,689
Who told you that?

271
00:10:21,722 --> 00:10:23,323
This girl I met at the mall
named Kiki.

272
00:10:23,356 --> 00:10:25,092
I mean, we're about
the same age,

273
00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:27,127
we like the same things,
we have the same interests.

274
00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:28,829
She's 40

275
00:10:28,862 --> 00:10:30,698
and likes to yell
at people, too?

276
00:10:30,731 --> 00:10:32,199
Mm

277
00:10:32,232 --> 00:10:33,734
Twenty-nine.

278
00:10:33,767 --> 00:10:35,002
Twenty!

279
00:10:35,035 --> 00:10:36,670
You have bras
older than that.

280
00:10:36,704 --> 00:10:37,938
Gerald Ford was still president
when you were 29.

281
00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:39,773
When you were 29,

282
00:10:39,807 --> 00:10:42,375
Captain and Tennile
was still at the
top of the charts.

283
00:10:42,409 --> 00:10:44,044
When you was 29,

284
00:10:44,077 --> 00:10:45,746
Generalissimo Francisco Franco
still had a country...

285
00:10:45,779 --> 00:10:48,716
Okay, okay, okay.
...when you was 29.

286
00:10:48,749 --> 00:10:50,684
I'm not 29.

287
00:10:50,718 --> 00:10:52,452
Rochelle, I can't believe
you're gonna hang out

288
00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:53,921
with a girl like that.

289
00:10:53,954 --> 00:10:55,388
Got you all out
in clubs and stuff.

290
00:10:55,422 --> 00:10:57,190
Yeah.
Next thing you know,

291
00:10:57,224 --> 00:10:59,192
You be posing for
"Jet Beauty of the Week."

292
00:10:59,226 --> 00:11:01,028
The special "Slight Tummy"
edition.

293
00:11:01,061 --> 00:11:03,764
Everybody looking at you,
knowing all your business.

294
00:11:03,797 --> 00:11:05,999
Your hobbies and your signs
and stuff.

295
00:11:06,033 --> 00:11:07,835
Peaches, okay, I understand

296
00:11:07,868 --> 00:11:09,770
that you are trying
to look out for me,

297
00:11:09,803 --> 00:11:11,972
but I'm just trying
to have some fun.

298
00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:13,807
You are a married woman.

299
00:11:13,841 --> 00:11:17,210
You ain't got no business
having fun.

300
00:11:17,244 --> 00:11:20,881
Peaches, I don't care
what you say, all right?

301
00:11:20,914 --> 00:11:23,851
Age is just a state of mind.

302
00:11:25,252 --> 00:11:27,788
Okay, well, it's not my fault
you feel old.

303
00:11:27,821 --> 00:11:31,058
Just 'cause you're acting crazy
now, I'm old?

304
00:11:31,091 --> 00:11:33,493
Oh, you know what,
go to the club then. Bye.

305
00:11:33,526 --> 00:11:34,995
Bye.
Spush.

306
00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:36,229
I'm going. Spush.

307
00:11:36,263 --> 00:11:37,965
Spush to you.

308
00:11:37,998 --> 00:11:41,101
Back at school, Greg was doing
more wardrobe changes

309
00:11:41,134 --> 00:11:43,503
than Beyonce in concert.

310
00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:45,005
Janet Jackson?

311
00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:46,940
You're dressed like
Janet Jackson?

312
00:11:46,974 --> 00:11:49,509
Almost as weird as
dressing like Michael.

313
00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:51,444
I'm in control.

314
00:11:51,478 --> 00:11:52,880
You're in a woman suit.

315
00:11:52,913 --> 00:11:54,915
And that wasn't the last time.

316
00:11:57,885 --> 00:12:00,788
While Greg was at
an all-time high,

317
00:12:00,821 --> 00:12:03,423
Mr. Levine hit
an all-time low.

318
00:12:03,456 --> 00:12:04,892
Stan, your
door's open.

319
00:12:04,925 --> 00:12:06,726
Doc, call an ambulance.

320
00:12:08,395 --> 00:12:10,363
What did you do?
I didn't do anything.

321
00:12:10,397 --> 00:12:12,900
I just got here
and I found him like this.

322
00:12:12,933 --> 00:12:15,302
The last guy
that said that ended up

323
00:12:15,335 --> 00:12:18,806
in a slow-speed Bronco chase
on the way to Mexico.

324
00:12:22,442 --> 00:12:24,344
The only thing scarier than
a man almost dying

325
00:12:24,377 --> 00:12:26,279
is being the one
that almost killed him.

326
00:12:26,313 --> 00:12:28,448
I thought walking and meeting
people would be good for him.

327
00:12:28,481 --> 00:12:30,083
I didn't know
he had a weak heart.

328
00:12:30,117 --> 00:12:31,084
He's old, Chris.

329
00:12:31,118 --> 00:12:33,120
Everything on him is weak.

330
00:12:33,153 --> 00:12:34,287
What were you thinking?

331
00:12:34,321 --> 00:12:35,522
You got him out running around

332
00:12:35,555 --> 00:12:36,957
like he's Carl Lewis
or something.

333
00:12:36,990 --> 00:12:38,992
He forgot
four prescriptions.

334
00:12:39,026 --> 00:12:41,061
He got pills to take
for everything.

335
00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:43,063
From his heart beating
to blinking his eyes.

336
00:12:43,096 --> 00:12:46,333
He's even got a pill to help
him remember to take his pills.

337
00:12:46,366 --> 00:12:48,068
You think he'll be okay?

338
00:12:48,101 --> 00:12:49,369
At this age,

339
00:12:49,402 --> 00:12:52,906
you can get over anything
with a good nap.

340
00:12:56,443 --> 00:12:58,946
While my mother was getting
ready for her night out,

341
00:12:58,979 --> 00:13:01,014
my father was worried
about eating in.

342
00:13:01,048 --> 00:13:02,449
Hi, Peaches.
Hi, Julius.

343
00:13:02,482 --> 00:13:03,951
What is this?

344
00:13:03,984 --> 00:13:05,085
A TV dinner.

345
00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:06,419
It looked
better on TV.

346
00:13:06,453 --> 00:13:07,988
How come you
didn't cook?

347
00:13:08,021 --> 00:13:10,390
Because I needed to get
my outfit together.

348
00:13:10,423 --> 00:13:12,392
She needs to get
her head together.

349
00:13:12,425 --> 00:13:14,061
What's that?

350
00:13:14,094 --> 00:13:16,496
It's what the young people
are wearing these days.

351
00:13:16,529 --> 00:13:19,432
Is this what the young people
are eating these days?

352
00:13:19,466 --> 00:13:21,334
Julius, look, I promise,
before I go out tomorrow

353
00:13:21,368 --> 00:13:22,569
I'll cook for you, okay?

354
00:13:22,602 --> 00:13:23,971
Now, baby, just go.

355
00:13:24,004 --> 00:13:26,506
Bye, Peaches.
Bye, Julius.

356
00:13:26,539 --> 00:13:30,177
Rochelle, I don't like
what's happening to you.

357
00:13:30,210 --> 00:13:31,879
You're dressing like
a teenager, wearing wigs.

358
00:13:31,912 --> 00:13:33,346
You just look
ridiculous.

359
00:13:35,983 --> 00:13:38,085
Nothing is happening
to me, okay?

360
00:13:38,118 --> 00:13:40,287
I'm just going out
to a few clubs with Kiki.

361
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:43,023
You ever wonder why Kiki
want to hang out with
someone your age?

362
00:13:43,056 --> 00:13:46,860
Don't you start with
that 29 thing again.

363
00:13:46,894 --> 00:13:49,262
Girl, you know what,

364
00:13:49,296 --> 00:13:51,564
you ever have
a fat friend?

365
00:13:51,598 --> 00:13:53,333
A fat friend?

366
00:13:53,366 --> 00:13:54,935
Yeah, girl, you hang out
with her

367
00:13:54,968 --> 00:13:56,436
so everybody else
pay attention to you.

368
00:13:56,469 --> 00:13:57,570
So?

369
00:13:57,604 --> 00:13:59,239
So, you're Kiki's fat friend.

370
00:13:59,272 --> 00:14:02,209
Aw, pick up and fetch,
you know it's true.

371
00:14:02,242 --> 00:14:04,244
Peaches,
you take that back!

372
00:14:04,277 --> 00:14:06,613
Look, Rochelle, you may not
want to accept it,

373
00:14:06,646 --> 00:14:08,448
but you look like
the girl's mother.

374
00:14:08,481 --> 00:14:10,417
I know, you know it
and she know it.

375
00:14:10,450 --> 00:14:11,651
I do not!

376
00:14:11,684 --> 00:14:12,953
All right, fine.

377
00:14:12,986 --> 00:14:14,254
Believe what you want,

378
00:14:14,287 --> 00:14:15,923
but don't say I
didn't tell you so.

379
00:14:15,956 --> 00:14:17,224
That's what I'm
talkin', baby.

380
00:14:17,257 --> 00:14:18,858
* Square biz

381
00:14:19,659 --> 00:14:22,229
* Square biz.

382
00:14:24,497 --> 00:14:26,967
While my mother went out
with a young woman,

383
00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:29,336
Mr. Levine got
a visit from one.

384
00:14:29,369 --> 00:14:32,906
I'm sorry, I think
you've got the wrong room.

385
00:14:32,940 --> 00:14:34,574
That's Stan Levine, right?

386
00:14:34,607 --> 00:14:37,978
Yeah.

387
00:14:38,011 --> 00:14:39,446
Then this is the right room.

388
00:14:39,479 --> 00:14:40,580
Who are you?

389
00:14:40,613 --> 00:14:42,015
I'm Chris.

390
00:14:42,049 --> 00:14:43,450
Chris...?

391
00:14:43,483 --> 00:14:46,253
Oh, you're the one
that almost killed him.

392
00:14:46,286 --> 00:14:48,455
I was just trying to take him
out for a walk.

393
00:14:48,488 --> 00:14:50,457
That almost killed him.
Who are you anyway?

394
00:14:50,490 --> 00:14:52,625
I'm Lisa Levine-- his daughter.

395
00:14:52,659 --> 00:14:54,127
His daughter?

396
00:14:54,161 --> 00:14:55,362
But you're black.

397
00:14:55,395 --> 00:14:56,696
Depends on who you ask.

398
00:14:56,729 --> 00:14:58,698
You're black.
Are you his kid, too?

399
00:14:58,731 --> 00:15:00,067
No.

400
00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:01,501
How about Angelina Jolie's?

401
00:15:01,534 --> 00:15:03,203
I'm sorry.

402
00:15:03,236 --> 00:15:05,438
Look, I was just trying
to get him out of the house.

403
00:15:05,472 --> 00:15:07,107
It's not your fault.

404
00:15:07,140 --> 00:15:09,342
He shouldn't be living
alone at his age, anyway.

405
00:15:09,376 --> 00:15:12,045
Listen, I don't really
know this neighborhood.

406
00:15:12,079 --> 00:15:14,381
You think you can show me
where his apartment is?

407
00:15:14,414 --> 00:15:15,715
I need to pack up his things

408
00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:17,550
so I can take him
back to Vegas.

409
00:15:17,584 --> 00:15:19,152
You're taking him to Las Vegas?

410
00:15:19,186 --> 00:15:20,420
I have to.

411
00:15:20,453 --> 00:15:21,688
I can't be running back here

412
00:15:21,721 --> 00:15:23,690
every time he forgets
to take a pill.

413
00:15:23,723 --> 00:15:26,226
I'm going to put him
in a retirement home.

414
00:15:26,259 --> 00:15:27,527
Hope it's segregated.

415
00:15:27,560 --> 00:15:29,029
I'll be right back.

416
00:15:29,062 --> 00:15:30,563
I got to talk to his doctors.

417
00:15:33,133 --> 00:15:35,102
Hey, kid...

418
00:15:35,135 --> 00:15:37,270
Is she gone?

419
00:15:37,304 --> 00:15:38,605
Yeah. How you feeling?

420
00:15:38,638 --> 00:15:40,407
Like you almost killed me.

421
00:15:41,774 --> 00:15:44,211
Hey, how come you have
a black daughter?

422
00:15:44,244 --> 00:15:48,281
You remember when Doc said
I stole his girlfriend?

423
00:15:48,315 --> 00:15:50,450
Let's just say
it was an inside job.

424
00:15:50,483 --> 00:15:54,587
Okay, can't do the joke
I was thinking.

425
00:15:54,621 --> 00:15:57,190
She wants to take
you to Vegas.
I heard.

426
00:15:57,224 --> 00:15:59,526
Now you see why I don't
come out of the house.

427
00:15:59,559 --> 00:16:01,361
All I did was open my door...

428
00:16:01,394 --> 00:16:04,431
try to save your life,
and you try to kill me.

429
00:16:04,464 --> 00:16:06,466
Now she's trying
to stick me in a home.

430
00:16:06,499 --> 00:16:08,435
Next time you want
to do me a favor,

431
00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:12,272
do me a favor-- don't.

432
00:16:14,274 --> 00:16:16,409
While Mr. Levine
was heading out,

433
00:16:16,443 --> 00:16:18,011
my mother was trying to get in.

434
00:16:18,045 --> 00:16:20,447
Kiki, what's
happening, baby?

435
00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:22,215
:
You.

436
00:16:22,249 --> 00:16:24,717
Ow, ow.
Whoa.

437
00:16:24,751 --> 00:16:27,487
Why don't you wait here while
things clear out a little bit?

438
00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:29,422
Oh, no, no, you don't
understand, I-I'm with her.

439
00:16:29,456 --> 00:16:32,125
Kiki, you didn't tell me
you were bringing your mother.

440
00:16:32,159 --> 00:16:33,293
How you doing, mama?

441
00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:34,494
Come on in.

442
00:16:34,527 --> 00:16:35,795
I am not her mother.

443
00:16:35,828 --> 00:16:37,564
N-No, that's my
friend Rochelle.

444
00:16:37,597 --> 00:16:39,366
Oh, hey, I thought
it was your mother.

445
00:16:39,399 --> 00:16:41,301
Why don't you chill
out here for a minute

446
00:16:41,334 --> 00:16:43,670
and wait here while
things, uh... thin out?

447
00:16:43,703 --> 00:16:47,107
Kiki... Kiki!

448
00:16:47,140 --> 00:16:48,675
You just gonna leave me
out here?

449
00:16:48,708 --> 00:16:50,177
I'll see you inside.

450
00:16:50,210 --> 00:16:52,112
It won't be too long.

451
00:16:52,145 --> 00:16:54,081
Moves!

452
00:16:54,114 --> 00:16:56,549
Hey, my man, my man.
How you doing, Moves?
Good to see you, brother.

453
00:16:56,583 --> 00:17:00,353
It was ladies' night,
not old ladies' night.

454
00:17:00,387 --> 00:17:01,788
While my mother
was left hanging,

455
00:17:01,821 --> 00:17:03,556
Mr. Levine got sent packing.

456
00:17:03,590 --> 00:17:05,525
So you're really sending him
to the old folks' home?

457
00:17:05,558 --> 00:17:07,394
:
I could sell his stuff,

458
00:17:07,427 --> 00:17:08,761
put him on the street,
and buy a car.

459
00:17:08,795 --> 00:17:10,263
What type of car?
A used one.

460
00:17:10,297 --> 00:17:12,299
He doesn't have
that much stuff.

461
00:17:12,332 --> 00:17:14,201
He's lived here his entire life
and you're just gonna move him?

462
00:17:14,234 --> 00:17:15,535
What about his friends?

463
00:17:15,568 --> 00:17:17,604
He doesn't have any.
What about his memories?

464
00:17:17,637 --> 00:17:20,273
He's old; he'll forget 'em.
Would you want somebody
to move you?

465
00:17:20,307 --> 00:17:22,509
If somebody tried
to kill me, yeah.

466
00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:24,211
So that's it?

467
00:17:24,244 --> 00:17:25,745
I got to do what
I got to do.

468
00:17:25,778 --> 00:17:28,215
Maybe I should try to kill her.

469
00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:32,685
He said I looked
like her mother.

470
00:17:32,719 --> 00:17:35,355
You're not old.
Yes, I am.

471
00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:37,257
I got kicked
out of the club.

472
00:17:37,290 --> 00:17:40,593
Technically, they just
didn't let you in.

473
00:17:40,627 --> 00:17:41,861
Oh, yeah, that's right.

474
00:17:41,894 --> 00:17:44,131
I was too old to make it
through the door.

475
00:17:44,164 --> 00:17:46,166
Baby, forget
those young girls.

476
00:17:46,199 --> 00:17:48,101
They wish they
had what you have,

477
00:17:48,135 --> 00:17:49,502
and as long as
I'm your doorman,

478
00:17:49,536 --> 00:17:52,239
you got a
lifelong VIP pass

479
00:17:52,272 --> 00:17:54,674
to a one-woman club.

480
00:17:54,707 --> 00:17:58,778
That is the sweetest thing
you've ever said to me.

481
00:17:58,811 --> 00:18:00,380
Three weeks later,
my mother found

482
00:18:00,413 --> 00:18:02,249
the greeting card
he stole it off of

483
00:18:02,282 --> 00:18:05,152
and refused to talk to him
for the next month.

484
00:18:05,185 --> 00:18:07,787
While my mother was going back
to her old self,

485
00:18:07,820 --> 00:18:09,322
Doc got a taste of his past.

486
00:18:09,356 --> 00:18:11,624
How's your mama?
Not thinking about you.

487
00:18:11,658 --> 00:18:13,826
She's fine.
Fine, not thinking about you.

488
00:18:13,860 --> 00:18:15,528
You look just like her.

489
00:18:15,562 --> 00:18:19,299
And you look like
she ain't thinking about you.

490
00:18:19,332 --> 00:18:20,667
Tell her I said, "Hey."

491
00:18:20,700 --> 00:18:23,436
Will do.

492
00:18:23,470 --> 00:18:24,671
You leaving?

493
00:18:24,704 --> 00:18:26,406
Yeah.

494
00:18:26,439 --> 00:18:27,774
Well, where's your dad?

495
00:18:27,807 --> 00:18:30,343
He's staying.
For real?

496
00:18:30,377 --> 00:18:33,446
We talked about it, and
you were right, Chris.

497
00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:35,348
He's lived here
his whole life.

498
00:18:35,382 --> 00:18:38,451
I'm not going to move him
just to make it easier for me.

499
00:18:38,485 --> 00:18:40,253
He wouldn't go, would he?

500
00:18:40,287 --> 00:18:42,255
No.
DOC:
Hmm.

501
00:18:42,289 --> 00:18:43,690
I'm getting him a day nurse.

502
00:18:43,723 --> 00:18:46,859
Because "night nurse"
is a whole other job.

503
00:18:46,893 --> 00:18:48,828
Don't worry,
we'll keep an eye on him.

504
00:18:48,861 --> 00:18:51,231
Thank you.

505
00:18:55,302 --> 00:19:00,139
Back at school, Greg had
officially lost his mind.

506
00:19:05,578 --> 00:19:07,547
Yes.

507
00:19:07,580 --> 00:19:08,748
Hey, Chris-and-Greg.

508
00:19:08,781 --> 00:19:11,451
Hey.

509
00:19:11,484 --> 00:19:13,553
Whoa.

510
00:19:13,586 --> 00:19:15,388
It happens to you, too.
What does?

511
00:19:15,422 --> 00:19:17,290
They call you Chris-and-Greg
even if I'm not here.

512
00:19:17,324 --> 00:19:19,392
Yeah, that's who we are.
We're Chris and Greg.

513
00:19:19,426 --> 00:19:21,494
Oh, this is great.
I thought I was the only one

514
00:19:21,528 --> 00:19:23,230
who didn't have a personality
of his own,

515
00:19:23,263 --> 00:19:24,331
but you don't either.

516
00:19:24,364 --> 00:19:25,598
Yay!
We both suck!

517
00:19:25,632 --> 00:19:26,933
Sorry, Gerard,

518
00:19:26,966 --> 00:19:29,669
looks like
I won't be needing you anymore.

519
00:19:31,704 --> 00:19:33,840
Gerard?

520
00:19:37,310 --> 00:19:38,978
After his daughter left,

521
00:19:39,011 --> 00:19:40,813
for the first time,
I saw Mr. Levine

522
00:19:40,847 --> 00:19:42,415
out on the streets,

523
00:19:42,449 --> 00:19:43,883
but with everything
that happened,

524
00:19:43,916 --> 00:19:45,952
I figured it was best
to leave him alone

525
00:19:45,985 --> 00:19:49,188
until I didn't have a choice.

526
00:19:57,597 --> 00:19:59,932
Mr. Levine, it's me, Chris,
let me in.

527
00:19:59,966 --> 00:20:01,368
Let me in.

528
00:20:02,569 --> 00:20:03,970
Hey, hey, hey.

529
00:20:04,003 --> 00:20:06,706
Last time I let you in,
I went to the hospital,

530
00:20:06,739 --> 00:20:08,708
almost got shipped to the farm;
you did me a favor--

531
00:20:08,741 --> 00:20:11,578
I saw my daughter,
me and Doc patched it up.

532
00:20:11,611 --> 00:20:13,246
You happy?
Now, beat it.

533
00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:15,448
And with that,
Mr. Levine taught me

534
00:20:15,482 --> 00:20:18,351
everything I needed to know
about white people.

535
00:20:19,586 --> 00:20:23,890
* Everybody hates Chris.

536
00:20:23,923 --> 00:20:26,993
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org

537
00:20:40,039 --> 00:20:43,776
* Ah, make it funky now.